Oscar Sunday

Oscar Sunday sounds like the name of a mentally challenged man in his mid-thirties, who actively volunteers for his local high school football team, by cleaning and storing their equipment and regularly motivation the players. There is a similar man, who goes by the name or Radio. Really? Radio? Could you possible make him sound more homeless? A name like Oscar Sunday makes him sound disguised, as well as loveable.

Ah, but yes, today is Oscar Sunday. The academy of motion pictures will crown the years greatest achievements, and those watching could not be more bored. Face it, I love movies just as much as the next person, but the Oscars are dull as hell to watch. Sure, I will watch them, mostly because John Stewart is a funny guy and I think Ellen Page is a bangin' hottie. (Also, I'm pretty sure if Ellen Page weren’t famous, she would maybe almost go on a date with me)

That being said, here are my picks for Oscar Winners:

Best Picture-There Will Be Blood--or should I say, 'There will be Oscar' If you haven't seen this movie, then you should go watch it, or there will be blood on your face when I punch you.

Best Actor-Daniel Day Lewis --At the end of There will be Blood, Daniel Day Lewis says, "Okay, I'm finished...with not winning best actor."

Best Actress-Ellen Page--I haven't seen any of the other nominees' movies.

Best Supporting Actor-Javier Bardem--He scared the crap out of me in No County for Old Men. Actually, his hair cut scared the crap out of me, but his acting was good to. I wanted his character to die in the movie, but no such luck. (I would also like to say that Philip Seymour Hoffman did an amazing job in Charlie Wilson's War.)

Best Supporting Actress-Ruby Dee--In addition to having the coolest name ever, I enjoyed her very much in American Gangster. Plus, she's old, and old people deserve awards.

Best Director-P.T. Anderson--He does the work of two Cohen brothers combined.

Best Screenplay written for screen-Juno--I almost went with Ratatouille because it's difficult to make rats likeable, but it's even more difficult to make pregnant girls likable. (Yes, I like rats more than I like pregnant people)

Best Screenplay based of previous material-No Country for Old Men--The Cohen brothers considered changing the name to: No way you will understand this movie, especially if you are an old man.

Best Editing-Into the Wild--You get to see Emile Hirsch's penis. It's from a distance, and he's in cold water, but still pretty cool. For that reason alone, this movie deserves an award.

As for the rest of the categories, I don't care. I think Norbit should win for best make up, and 3:10 to Yuma should win for sound and music. I don't have a reason for why those movies should win, but I also don't have a reason for calling a grown man, Radio.