The Time I Went to a Comedy Workshop

I once attended a comedy writing workshop in my home town. However, a majority of the residents in my home town are considered elderly. I was not at all surprised to see that the comedy workshop, which consisted for six people, was filled with old people. Even the lady teaching the workshop was old.

During one of the exercises, the teacher gave us the beggining of a sentence and we were supposed to finish the sentence with a humors saying. The idea was that we were not supposed to think long and hard about how to make the sentence funny, but to write down the first clever thought that popped into our brain.

Our first sentence was:

In ten years I want to

I responded with:

Adopt a kid from China, so I don’t have to pay for karate lessons.

No one laughed.

The second sentence was:

Two heads are better than one.

I responded:

Unless you’re a porn star.

Once again no one laughed.

Then I was asked to leave.

Famous Quotes in Cinima

Those who know me know that I’m a big movie fan. If you don’t know me, then I guessed you just learned an interesting fact about me. (Perhaps the most interesting fact about myself)
Anyway, I like movies so much that I often find myself quoting random films. (What do you mean I’m not the only person alive that does this?)

Of all the movies to quote, my favorite is Kindergarten Cop, staring Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“Boy’s have a penis, girls have a vagina.” Joseph (Miko Hughes, Surf School)

Never in the history of cinema has a better line of dialogue been uttered. In fact, I would say that there is at least fifteen times a day, I would like quote this line.

Take for example if someone one were to ask me about what I did at work, like oh say, my imaginarily girlfriend.

“What did you do at work today?”

“I had a meeting with my coworkers.”

“What was it about?”

At this point, I could quote the famous line from Gone with the Wind, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

Or

I could say, “Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina.”

Another example is if I were dropping my imaginary girlfriend off at the airport, so she could fly to Mexico to visit her family for two weeks. She would turn and look into my eyes, as her eyes began to fill with tears.

I could quote a line from Casablanca, “Here’s looking at you kid.”

Or

I could say, “Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina.”

I don’t always quote word for word. Sometimes I say,
“Boys have a wenis, girls have a vajayjay.”

Still, sometimes I like to add to the quote by saying phrases like,
“Well if you must know, boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.”

Once I got so excited to quote the Kindergarten Cop line, that I accidentally said,
"Boys have a vagina, girls have a penis.”

Boy was my face red!

Contest

Congratulations!!! If you are reading this blog entry, then you are the winner of the Win a date with Trevor contest. To claim your prize e-mail t_ig2@hotmail.com with your times available and your favorite Red Lobster menu item.

(All winners must be of 18 years of age or older. Winners should also be hot girls with low self esteem. The contest never expirers and is valid with other contests, including but not limited to: Win a butt slap from Trevor contest, Win a night of awkward small talk with Trevor contest, and Win a hair smelling from Trevor. Not for resale)

April is for Fools

April Fools past and future:

Two years ago I visited my mom and told her I had gone deaf. I did so by talking like a deaf person, and acting like I couldn't hear her. She told me she thought the act was annoying. However, I found her not laughing at my joke annoying.

Last year for April fools, I tucked my penis in between my legs and told my mom that I was a girl.


I compleatly forgot about April fools this year...you might say I fooled myself.

I think next year I'll full myself into thinking people like me.

The Best Movie Ever???

I read somewhere that Ellen Page (the girl who would almost go on a date with me, if she wern't famous) and Juno co-star Oliva Thirlby are going to be in a movie about lesbian werewolves.

Finally, a movie that combines my two greatest loves.

Michael J. Fox and Juno co-star Jason Bateman will show up in a cameo as Scott and Todd Howard (Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf Two) Only, this time Michael and Jason won't play teenagers, but middle-aged wolves who like to watch teenaged lesbian wolves have sex.

The film will also star Michael Cera and Johna Hill as Seth and Evan, from Superbad. Lesbian werewolves will make out in front of them, if they are able to buy alcohol for the she-wolves by the strock of midnight.

And as usual Kelsey Grammer will play the part of Dr. Frasier Crane.