Magic Coat

I have a magic coat. I mean magic, and not just Johnson. When I put this coat on, I become a new man. People look at me differently when they see me in this coat. When I say they look at me differently, I don't mean like the way you look at someone differently after you find out they are a porn addict. (Believe me, I've gotten that look many times) I mean, they look at me in a good way.
They're like,

"Who is that guy? I would date him, if I was sure he wasn't my boss."

Just kidding. They know I'm not their boss, but they think I could easily become their boss because I'm wearing such a nice coat.

When people see me in this coat they say,

"What I would give to be that guy! I If only I could wear his coat; it would take me away from the cold shallow depressing life I live right now."

At this point you probably want to try on my coat, but I'm not going to let you. I let President Bush try on my coat once, but it is because he threatened to deport me.