I got fired recently. When you are fired people always feel sorry for you. I’ve noticed that when people feel sorry for you, they like to ask you stupid questions. I’ll give you an example.
I say, “I got fired.”
They respond with, “You were fired from your job?”
I like to respond by saying, “Fired from my job…No, my cat fired me. Yeah, in retrospect, I had it coming. I didn’t change his litter box, or feed him, or file his tax returns.”
There’s something strange about people who love cats. These people like to talk about their cats like they are real people.
They’ll say things like, “My cat is crazy. No, really. My cat is crazy. I swear to God she is half nuts.”
Really? Your cat is half nuts? Are you sure you’re not?
Others like to bring their cats to places like baseball games. These people wonder why you didn’t bring your cat to the game.
“Ah, excuse me, where is Mr. Whiskers tonight?”
“Oh, he’s at home reading a Jimmy Buffet novel. Yeah, once he gets started, it’s hard to pull him away. Jimmy Buffet is his passion! He owns all of his CDs.”
For me personally, I don’t like cats, except for when I’m kicking them in the face. I also don’t like people asking me if I was fired from my job. I kind of figured the words fired and job just went together, kind of like cats and baseball games.
I say, “I got fired.”
They respond with, “You were fired from your job?”
I like to respond by saying, “Fired from my job…No, my cat fired me. Yeah, in retrospect, I had it coming. I didn’t change his litter box, or feed him, or file his tax returns.”
There’s something strange about people who love cats. These people like to talk about their cats like they are real people.
They’ll say things like, “My cat is crazy. No, really. My cat is crazy. I swear to God she is half nuts.”
Really? Your cat is half nuts? Are you sure you’re not?
Others like to bring their cats to places like baseball games. These people wonder why you didn’t bring your cat to the game.
“Ah, excuse me, where is Mr. Whiskers tonight?”
“Oh, he’s at home reading a Jimmy Buffet novel. Yeah, once he gets started, it’s hard to pull him away. Jimmy Buffet is his passion! He owns all of his CDs.”
For me personally, I don’t like cats, except for when I’m kicking them in the face. I also don’t like people asking me if I was fired from my job. I kind of figured the words fired and job just went together, kind of like cats and baseball games.
No comments:
Post a Comment